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Archive for January, 2011

David Mitchell has fast become one of my favourite authors, and I’ve only read two of his five novels. Perhaps his most famous work, Cloud Atlas, sold 40,000 copies in hardback, won four major literary awards and was shortlisted for a further six. It’s a sprawling 600-page treatise on the human condition told in six loosely overlapping novellas that span centuries and genres. It’s immensely complex and even heavy going in places, so vivid are the different narratives, and so slowly does it reveal its overarching themes.

Black Swan Green, on the other hand, at least appears to be a much simpler work. Narrated in the first person by 13-year-old Jason Taylor, it tells of a year (specifically, 1982) in the life of  a (fictional) village in rural Worcestershire. During this year Jason experiences bullying, his parents’ troubled marriage, the Falklands War, his first kiss and other traumas of adolescence.

David Mitchell is basically the same age as me, born in early 1969. This book must be at least partly based on his experiences growing up in the 1980s. It connected with me for plenty of reasons. And before I get into them, this is what I looked like in 1982…

what do you call a boy with a spade in his head...?

Much as I’d love you to read the rest of this, if you think you might want to read Black Swan Green, please be aware that there are SPOILERS throughout what follows…

Illustration by M.K.Perker taken from nytimes.com

Black Swan Green unfolds over 13 episodic chapters, basically covering the year of 1982. The thing about the titular village is that while it does have a green, there are no swans. It doesn’t take a genius to work out that David Mitchell is inviting us to wonder what else his book is trying to tell us.

Indeed, despite the articulate  internal narration of Jason Taylor, much of his storytelling betrays the innocence of youth. Scenes and arguments are described where we can sense the deeper meaning and lasting impacts, but they are left to our imagination.

On the flipside, appearances are often deceptive. Jason’s stammer makes him withdrawn, as he shields and guards his feelings, unable to express them outwardly except under the name of Eliot Bolivar in the Parish Newsletter. The social hierarchy of cliques and gangs seems rigid until it is blown apart in the last chapters.  The village has several rotten cores – from the resentment of new housing developments to the travelling Gypsy community – that would go unnoticed at first glance, but are captured vividly through Jason’s observation.

The period detail is tremendous, with references to songs, toys, television and films that are all spot-on. More importantly, BSG captures the how quickly and unexpectedly Cool becomes Uncool, how slang is current then old-hat. I especially remember exclamations like ace!, ace-doss and epic!, and the nervous, tense anticipation (and often disappointment) at the school disco.

The social strata in the classroom and playground is brutally described – like being in the army. Having a nickname (however cruel) is better than not having one and being referred to solely by your surname (social death). The gangs and cliques are all-powerful, and Jason’s delight at passing the initiation to join the Spooks is short-lived.

There’s a great deal in BSG about learning to express yourself, especially as a teenager. Jason’s father and teachers often shout down the children and impose their will, their world-view and their language. But Jason is trying to find his voice, both as a writer (through Eliot Bolivar) but also to physically control and mentally master his often crippling stammer. He calls it ‘Hangman’: the debilitating fear it brings him is immediate and visceral, forcing him to think ahead, avoid words and consciously change what he wants to say. It prevents him from expressing himself, from being himself.

A speech-therapist friend of mine has indicated this behaviour and feelings are all-too-common among stammerers, and a recent interview between Simon Mayo and Colin Firth about the latter’s now Oscar-nominated role in The King’s Speech reiterates the authenticity of Mitchell’s writing.

Ultimately, Black Swan Green is a coming-of-age tale par excellence. The start of the book depicts a relatively stable, peaceful village, albeit with some grimy undercurrents threatening… Jason and his sister (in fact many of the children) seem to ignore or shrug off their parents’ arguments;  they develop ways to cope with the bullies; they accept and almost revel in the patriotic media reporting of the Falklands War,  and the fabled recession seems to be about other people. Jason’s parents’ marriage almost seems a 1980s Thatcherite symbol of hard work & family values.

Except it’s not. Just as Black Swan Green has no swans, the secrets beneath its surface are raw and cruel.

The marriage breaks down as his Dad’s affair is revealed, and his mum seeks to break out of that stifling relationship to fulfil her own ambitions (she becomes a marvellous success) and, perhaps most personally for Jason, his older sister Julia leaves home for university.

Jason eventually exposes the cruelty and bullying among the children of BSG, but this is more sinisterly mirrored by the adults’ racism and hostility towards a proposed Gypsy/Travellers site. The meeting in the village hall is packed, angry and violent, but when the fire alarm goes off, there is mass panic. The truth of the Falklands War is made real as a hero of the kids gets killed. Even when Jason spitefully fails to return a bully’s wallet, there are have stunningly unforseen and terrible consequences.

Perhaps the most personal way Black Swan Green connected with me was through Le Grand Meaulnes. I studied this book as part of my French ‘A’ Level. Written almost 100 years ago, it tells of (and is narrated by) a shy boy in an isolated village, whose life is turned upside down by the arrival of an older boy -  the titular Meaulnes. There are several almost heroic adventures and episodes, often told with dreamlike reverence and nostalgic longing.

The episodic chapters deal with several adventures told similarly in a dream-like style. He seeks out a bridlepath that tunnels under the Malvern Hills, during which he secretly spies on two older teens having sex. He flees from a mythical madman who lives deep in the woods, he discovers the vicarage and a strange old lady within who talks about poetry. The Goose Fair and the end-of-year disco are related in magical tones.

Jason keeps wishing he was someone else, keeps looking for heroes until he himself becomes one, throwing open the dark secrets of the school playground. By the end of the year the adventures are shattered as Jason’s family life is in pieces. However, unlike Francois Seurat in Le Grand Meaulnes, who still yearns to recapture the past and imagines his friend on further escapades, Jason knows that the end of 1982 is not really the end of anything.

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…or rather, I’m 7lbs less of a man than I was on New Year’s Eve.

My healthy start to the year is going well so far. Having decided that I need to get serious about my weight, fitness and health, I’m encouraged by my progress.

I’ve been to the gym 3 times each week – despite madly heavy workloads at work – and I’ve really enjoyed it. My basic cardio fitness seems quite good, but even my 41-year-old, notoriously brittle hamstrings and achilles are managing well. I did give my aching limbs an ice bath once, and it worked: much better recovery than normal. These may become more regular!

Perhaps more surprising, I’ve grown to like, indeed love Cee-Lo Green’s song ‘Forget You’.

This gets played on channels like 4Music about 3 times an hour, seemingly every hour of the day, but I only today recognised the brilliance of the original version (NSFW or Children!). I love the old-school arrangements and harmonies, his terrific voice, the video style and the juxtaposition of the words with the upbeat poppy style.

Alongside the exercise which is so far going well I’ve been eating less and eating healthier. Slightly smaller portions and fewer ‘bad’ snacks have done most of the work, as well as trying to cut down on carbs at our evening meal.

I say ‘our’ because this is very much a joint effort with my lovely Better Half, Rachel. We’ve both joined the gym and so are encouraging each other. At least one of us has to go 6 days out of 7 in the week, and so far we’ve achieved that. we’ve made salads, soups and are trying to plan occasional variations from our regular menus. I’ve been eating oats at breakfast and oily fish for lunch. I’m hoping my cholesterol levels will reward me in time…

So, 2 weeks in, 7lbs lost from my target of 25lbs is a great start. My trousers are ‘back to normal’ having felt uncomfortable in recent weeks. I’m sleeping really well (a new pillow has definitely helped), and I feel (mainly) in control of things despite the frenetic pace of work and home-life since the New Year.

The next goal is to drop below 14 stone for the first time in many – at least six – years. I’ll report back in a couple of weeks…

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I’m an English sports fan, so I’m not naturally very good at schadenfreude. I don’t tend to get many opportunities to practise, but at 12.56am (GMT) on Friday 7th January 2011, England won the Sydney test match against Australia, concluding a dominant 3-1 series win to retain The Ashes.

’3-1′ doesn’t quite do justice to what actually happened. I’ve been thinking for a few days how I was going to write this piece, until I was alerted to an article written by Will Swanton before the series started, back in November 2010, entitled 10 Reasons the Poms won’t Win. Of course it’s hyperbole and overstated, but you might be able to guess from the title of my piece that I’m revelling in the glory of hindsight to take Mr Swanton’s brave assertions to task and review how England did win The Ashes for the 3rd time in the last 4 series.

1. Overrated

They [England] walked around The Oval after their dominant home summer like they were God’s gifts to Wisden. Here’s who they really beat. No one. Nuffies and cheats. England clean-swept the worst team on the planet, Bangladesh, and then won three out of four Tests against rotten Pakistan. Now they’re portrayed as superstars.

Er, not really. But we did recognise this was perhaps our best chance to win in Australia for a generation. Before the Ashes England were ranked 3rd in the ICC Test Rankings, with 112 points. Australia were 4th with 110. There has been a nice joke going around (among many, many others) in the last couple of days…

What do you call a world-class Australian cricketer? Retired.

2. Kevin Pietersen

He might be growing a moustache for a very good cause but he’s still getting around looking like Dirk Diggler out of Boogie Nights. His most recent Test efforts have been the biggest joke. John Buchanan was right with his assessment of Pietersen. Buchanan was panned because the truth hurt. There’s more than one ‘I’ in Kevin Pietersen and it hurts morale.

It was true that against South Africa and Pakistan in 2009/2010 Pietersen had averaged barely 25 and didn’t score a century during the 12 months before The Ashes, even including 4 tests against Bangladesh. BUT…

…he averaged 60 in The Ashes, scoring more runs in 6 innings than any Australian (except Watson and Hussey) managed in 9 innings. He hit a career-best 227 at Adelaide and was the only batsmen in either side’s top six with a strike rate over 60.

3. No top speedster

Jimmy Anderson, Stuart Broad and Steve Finn are respectable quicks. But they lack the fear factor. Every truly great attack has someone pushing 150km/h, like Mitchell Johnson does for Australia. None of the touring fast bowlers are frightening. Away from swing and seam-friendly England, that doesn’t leave them with much.

When Mitchell Johnson came out to bat on the last day of the series, The Barmy Army rose to welcome him with their tribute song…

He bowls to the left, he bowls to the right, that Mitchell Johnson – his bowling is shite

In Perth Johnson took 9/82 and blew England away in their first innings with a spell of almost unplayable hostility and venom. In the rest of the series he took 6/472 at nearly 4.5 runs per over. The worst economy rate from the England bowlers was Steve Finn at 4.3, but Anderson, Bresnan and Broad all average under 3 runs per over.

In Sydney England’s bowlers generated swing and movement where Australia could not. Everyone in the English attack took wickets and looked like taking wickets. Across the whole series, England took a wicket every 9 overs, while Australia took nearly 15 overs. The England attack as a whole has become more than the sum of its parts.

4 Passive captain

Andrew Strauss has to lead by example because his introverted demeanour doesn’t get the blood pumping too much. Only his scores do. He leads with quiet assurance when things are going well. But he comes across as introverted and submissive when things start going pear-shaped.

307 runs, 1 century and 3 fifties at 44 made Strauss only the 5th best English batsmen, but just for a moment let’s compare that to Ricky Ponting, the Australian captain. Even including 51* in the dead final innings at Brisbane he scored 113 runs from 8 innings at just 16.1, a worse performance than even the much-maligned Michael Clarke, newcomer Steven Smith and bowler Peter Siddle. After the first innings at Brisbane until Perth, his bowlers took 304 overs to take 6 wickets. His impotency and frustration ultimately led to an ugly on-field row with the umpire.

Just as England are only slowly getting used to winning, Ponting is a distinctly ungracious loser. But he is a loser (3 out of the last 4 Ashes series).

5 No superstars

Pietersen is as good as anyone when he’s in the mood, but he hasn’t been in the mood for a long time. He couldn’t make a hundred against Bangladesh – his 99 was close but no cigar – and Doug Bollinger, Ben Hilfenhaus and Johnson can smell blood. Graeme Swann is the only Englishman to make a world XI right now.England are successful because they know their limitations. Which means there are limitations.

I hope I’ve already dealt with KP… Looking at test performances over 2010 (which includes most of the Ashes), A World XI would be largely made up of Indians and South Africans – they are the best two teams after all. However, Jonathan Trott and Alistair Cook feature well in the top test batsmen, while Jimmy Anderson and Graeme Swann are in with a shout as bowlers from the England squad. No Australians get even close. In fact, only Mike Hussey would get into a Best Ashes XI, let alone anything grander.

6 Over-analysis

They’ve faced bowling machines with footage of Australian speedsters running in at them – and still didn’t want to know about Mitchell Johnson. They’ve given themselves three weeks in Australia to acclimatise but haven’t played on pitches like the monster they’ll encounter at the Gabba. Every breath they take is a part of a suffocating plan. There’s no freedom, nothing instinctive or adventurous. Paralysis by over-analysis.

There’s a famous saying about American Football: ‘offense sells tickets, defence wins championships’. England’s plans are how to take 20 wickets, and prevent the other team from taking 20 wickets. England occupied the crease until the Aussie bowlers wilted and lost discipline (which didn’t take long) and bowled tremendously as a unit. The only paralysis was in the Australian team. Unable to overcome the suffocating English team, they tried to play adventurously and instinctively and they got themselves out, none more amusingly than Shane Watson

7 No depth

In such a cramped schedule, injuries are bound to hit both camps. England are in serious strife if they lose any of their first XI. There’s a vast gulf between their top-tier players and those on the standby list. Australia can only hope and pray that off-spinner Monty Panesar is called in for Graeme Swann. Australia have eight Test-standard speedsters in the queue.

Rubbish. Tim Bresnan & Chris Tremlett came off the standby list to play 5 tests between them. They took 28 wickets at under 22 runs each, far better than (virtually) all the Australian bowlers, top-tier (sic) or not.

Phil Hughes came in to replace Simon Katich and batted 6 times for just 97 runs. Only 3 Australian bowlers managed an average of under 60, while every England bowler (except the injured Broad) averaged under 40…

8 Chokers

This is England we’re talking about. Losing is a tradition. Think soccer World Cups. Think Tim Henman at Wimbledon. Think every cricket tour of Australia since 1986-87. They always arrive talking themselves up, vowing they won’t wilt under the heat and pressure and scrutiny, then wilt under the heat and pressure and scrutiny. They’ve hired a self-described Yips Doctor – because they need one.

After England lost Captain Strauss for a 3rd ball-duck on the first morning in Brisbane, and conceded over 200 runs on 1st innings, I’m sure Will Swanton was enjoying these words. However, England’s next 2 innings  were worth 1,137/6. After being blitzed on the Gabba, England then bounced back with 1,157 in 2 innings at Melbourne and Sydney, bowling out Australia 4 times for just 917.

After the 1st test, Australia couldn’t manage more than 309 in an innings. Their top 4 wickets only twice made more than 134 in 8 innings. The bowlers were listless and ill-disciplined, lacking bite. There appeared to be no fight from Australia, perhaps the most shocking aspect of the last few weeks. And now they seem to be in denial about it.

9 Warm-ups

Everyone keeps rattling on about England’s perfect preparation. They must be having a laugh. A few of them made runs at Adelaide Oval. It’s like batting on the Hume Highway. Anyone seen the scorecards? Western Australia rolled England for 223. South Australia dismissed them for 288 on the Hume. And Australia A ripped through their top order in Hobart A yesterday. Perfectly prepared? Piffle.

He’s right (at last). The preparation only counts for so much. England won where it mattered.

10 Scars

Five of their top six batsmen are the same lot who stumbled and bumbled through the 5-0 loss on England’s last trip to Australia. The scarring is deep and real. Jimmy Anderson’s memories of Australia are all nightmarish. He averaged 45.16. Broad and Finn are yet to play a Test series in Australia. Hard surfaces jarring bones and muscles, oppressive heat – they won’t know what or who has hit them.

Broad got injured, but bowled 70 overs at less than 2.3 runs per over. Finn took more wickets in 3 tests than any Aussie bowler except Johnson, with a better average than Siddle or Hilfenhaus. Anderson bowled 56 more overs (35% more) than any Aussie pace bowler, taking 24 wickets at less than 26 runs each and 3 runs per over.

Alistair Cook scored almost as many runs as Australia’s No.1, 2 & 3 combined. He scored more centuries than their entire team. Despite 2-3 fewer innings each, England’s top 6 scored 2,290 runs compared to Australia’s 1,722. They achieved 2 double-hundreds, 6 centuries and 10 fifties, compared to just 2 centuries and 11 fifites. Four of the English Top 6 averaged over 60 for the series, against one Australian.

 

Picture from ecb.co.uk

I’ve barely mentioned Matt Prior or Ian Bell (nearly 600 runs at over 50), and only skimmed the surface of Cook’s amazing series. But in the big scheme of things, England are now clearly the 3rd best test team in the world. They must now prove themselves against South Africa and India. But Australia have fallen from 4th to 5th behind Sri Lanka, and it’s hard to see them coming back very quickly. Shame.

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Right. This is it. Definitely. Enough is enough. I tweeted and posted a Facebook status about this on New Year’s Eve. So it’s official. And now this makes it even more official. If that’s possible.

I am going to get fitter and lose 25lbs by Easter 2011.

I ran the London Marathon in 1998. I’d never run seriously before, in fact at school I hated ‘cross-country’, despite being reasonably fit through playing rugby and hockey. But I stuck to a training regime and found that lots of exercise enabled me to eat like a horse (albeit a carnivorous horse) and still lose weight. By the time of the race I weighed around 12 stone (172lbs), probably 10-15lbs below my ‘normal’ weight.

I’ve been gaining weight and losing fitness gradually during the last decade. The blissful comfort of marriage, my natural foodiness and love of cooking and eating, a daily commute of an hour each way, two young children and my own laziness have all contributed. For the past couple of years I’ve hovered around 200lbs +/- a few…

Officially this makes me ‘overweight’, but probably not so much so that I need to be really concerned. Apparently I carry it well. I watched Trinny and Susannah take on Jeremy Clarkson, and I accepted that my trousers should go up a waist size, I tucked my shirts in a little less.

But there’s a history of heart disease in my family, and I know I have high cholesterol. I like eating salads, pulses, oily fish, porridge and other things that are good for that, but I also like less healthy things like pies, cheese and wine.

mmmmm - pies

Over the last 6 months I’ve gradually gained another 10 lbs, so that for the first time in my life the scales start with a ’15′. I weighed 210lbs / 15 stone on New Year’s Eve 2010, and I don’t like the way that makes me look, or the way I feel.

It first really struck me a while before Christmas, while I was watching the films about Jacques Mesrine, starring Vincent Cassel. The young Mesrine was a slim, attractive firebrand. But after years of apparently successful bank raids he got used to lying around and cooking fine foods, and especially in the second of the two films, we see him wandering around his apartments, belly hanging out. Vincent Cassel put on 45lbs to play the role, and evidently they shot the film in reverse chronology, so he could lose the weight gradually and keep filming. Anyway, those shots of his middle age spread touched a nerve…

To be fair, I've never been this slim...

Put down the Big Guns, and I'll try to outrun you...

And so enough is now enough. I am actually going to lose weight and get healthy. My main aim is to be 185lbs by Easter; that’s 25lbs weight loss in around 17 weeks. My BMI would then be marginally over 25. If I can maintain that, maybe I’ll try for a little more, but to be honest I’ve not been consistently that weight for nearly 10 years.  I don’t want to live on a permanent diet, so I’ve started going back to the gym. Once I’ve got into that routine, maybe I’ll start running again.

This is going to happen.

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